we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
