Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
