Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
