Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
