ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
