I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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