Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
