Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
