you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
