how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think people are normalizing furries
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
