I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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