if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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