I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
