she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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