yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
