loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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