I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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