Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
