Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
