I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
