ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
