Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
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