If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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