Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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