you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Randomize
