Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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