I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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