Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
