Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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