If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You're like the curious george of whores
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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