Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize