I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize