I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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