i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
