I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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