if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
