Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
