everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
