bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
