I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
