Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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