I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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