You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
