i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
