Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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