1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
