He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
