my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
