I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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