i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My liver just had a heart attack.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We need to get me chipped asap
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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