Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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