Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
