i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
