he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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