We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize