So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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