I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
