we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she peed on how many people?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
