One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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