oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
