Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
